Experimentation is a loose state. It is like a stretching with ideas on how one may continue. And often these side projects becomes part of  what I can use later or not at all.  I am little like a pit bull when I work. I don't let it go.  I just like the journey of what it may lead me to the next. perhaps at the end of this process I will find the work that will drastically be different from what I am doing right now as it happens often.

Big bang is a town that Faith arrived by chance encounter. Big bang consisted of  abandoned shops, restaurants, and homes that were all in sales. Small town that was run down and it felt as if no one cared about. The people who ran the Big bang seemed to cared only about their own personal well being.  Their homes,  their exotic trips to the land where Faith grew up, where they were received by the officials. Looking at their annual report, Every year, in their meeting the main conversation consisted of their next trip to the other side of the earth which was very expensive that only people with some money can afford. They did not want to share these experience with others. They showed off their own exclusive advantage in the town center, to make them feel important by saying that people should see an attractive tourist photographs of the Islands rather than the soul of ghosts. they created a wooden billboards where they showed the  photographs of stock images; economic wealth, tourism that are far from the reality of the island life style. To the common viewers that were not invited to their exclusive trips received the images as it did not mean anything more than internet search engine. At least in search engine one can learn more.
Perhaps the hills of Big bang was the only thing that was remarkable, where the non rested souls remained. Faith was looking for the soul of ghost of people who was alive and lived the same period as her loved ones. Those people who sat in silence, patiently because they understood the girl's pain. They knew they couldn't get rid of her pain instantly. Because they knew that prejudice could not be fundamentally changed in a moment. Changing something that were based on wrong can be only be scratched on the surface. As one plant the seeds just below the surface. Yet planting the seeds just below the surface may change as it can grow into plants. The seeds may build the effect in long terms. There are different levels of change in time and space. the potential is unknown . The soul of ghost left behind in the hills of Big bang gave their lives to people who was born with the privilege of ownership whose ancestors arrived to the land first. The souls of the ghosts honored the greed and unfairness of violent villeins. Because they were the rulers. Even they acted as moral people, they had stolen the land and over taken the natives and remained as a ruler. The souls of ghosts compromised on lies because their family and themselves were considered enemies. The souls that survived and passed away were given many recognition by people who harmed them and gave their decedents a right to call themselves by the name of the land they belonged already. It was one of the examples of an endless cycle of  power struggle that became the permanent state on the earth. The logical reality was naming the people and land and what ever they may be as the way to make the difference from another and create organization of common living and conflict with people who have different names. Belonging was the main idea for the commons and wealth was the essential reason for the rulers who had not to have to give their lives and sacrificed the others, who had gone against their religious amendment.  Faith's friends couldn't call themselves by the name of the land. Name felt as shoes that did not fit correctly in their feet. They evidently had the right to call themselves of where they were born and they lived. In all that non sense Faith's friends decided to reach out to laughter. they laughed out loud and together through laughing they knew that they changed. It was not through anger , not through dialog with the deaf that changed their lives. They gave a moment to Faith to laugh with them. every time Faith laughed with them she felt the pain that she was vanishing, at least for a moment. They had given Faith, what she had not known before. Faith was again alone in the hills of the big bang. she arrived to big bang to touch the soul of ghosts who lived the same  period as her laughter. Instead she encounter the rulers who did not wanted to understand anything about what happened in big bang and repeated the same old prejudice. That made Faith very sad. They made Faith look like as if she was a thief who stole their money when the money was not theirs. Faith worked hard for the money and she has all the right to be paid. Faith wanted only to give the gift, gift of commons, to everyone in the town. She wanted the commons to taste the life of the soul of ghosts who lived in the hills. Rulers of Big bang did not want the commons to receive what Faith prepared. The rules knew better than Faith that the advantage needs to be kept to who they choose, rather than sharing the knowledge that they did not have and did not value as the only importance was their decided merit to travel to the other side of the globe ti be received as some kind of heroes. Big banger only cared about control, keeping the exclusive benefits.  They screamed, sward, ignored, and tricked Faith who worked hard to give the gift to the other people who had not known about the soul of ghost . Faith was a dogma, perhaps. Yet Faith had decided to turn the page when she realized absolutely there was no way she was able to give them a gift. It was a bitter experience of loosing the possibilities of finding the soul ghost and connect them to people who could care for them. Faith decided to go to the largest and warmest ocean that has a strong and vibrant body, her mother who soaked every person who had passed away, brought them to the other shore. Faith decided to soak her body as she had done so many times. from her body, the memory of big bang was evaporating. And she began hearing the laughter of those cherished people. The laughter invited her to remember to laugh, laugh with them and others who was there that Faith lost the sight of seeing them.    

Two months had passed since my last post. these are the blinks of my experimentations to hopefully reach the life of Toshiko Yamakawa.

 This over laps with the idea of family. As the society had changed rapidly from industrialization, the family became smaller and smaller. When we were growing up we were in the period of the nuclear family and now I guess family are mainly restructured or non existent. The family structure changed as our society had changed. I am curious of the notion of family. What does it mean today? these two important elements that may had been the norm centuries ago is a mystery of today.
 Little more on Palaka, https://hawaiipalaka.wordpress.com/

Pencil is nice. Yet I am still very rusty. It is still very exciting to draw.

Drawing is full of brain lies. We know what we are witnessing is not what it is. Yet accepting the lies make drawing one’s own relationships to a paper.
I am not someone who draws well. looking at the living room drawing by friends and hearing my son talking about representation . I felt I needed to begin. People passed away all the time in my age.
Remembering people who existed can be done with a photography. Drawing is different. It becomes a dialog between forgotten people who one wants to breath life into. Because I have currently stopped most of internet life as I took up knitting that I am not that good with either, everything this year feels like a learning. Learning about physical life. Accepting things take more time and patience.

The new year arrived.
It feels great to be able to be closing
on last year. Having the time to think ,
thanks to Pandemic and covid.
The new direction is pointing out.
Nourishing the soul, rather than dancing with people who do not want to dance.
As once I was told by a friend,  don't support people who have no will to make it better.
I am going to make this year better for my heart. In terms of creation, I am excited to go back to solitude. For many years, I have invested on community. Many beautiful experiences of meeting people who is with themselves. Surely it will happen sometime again.

Caption   Japanese-American troops of US 442nd Regimental Combat Team at Armistice Day service, Fays, France, 11 Nov 1944 ww2dbase Source    ww2dbaseHawaii War Records Depository Identification Code   1616k Photos on Same Day 11 Nov 1944Photos at Same Place Fays, Lorraine, France
Added By C. Peter Chen Added Date 27 Oct 2008 Licensing  Public Domain
https://ww2db.com/image.php?image_id=6739

In 2021, I learned so much. How truth doesn't matter. Most people don't want to know the truth. They want to know what is convenient to them and make that the truth. Parents tell children not to lie, but societies are majority about lies. It is probably better to educate children to lie and forget about it. That will help them in the future... but I will never be able to do that. I will explain to my children at one point, so they don't get disappointed. I will have to tell them, It's only work, forget it! 
Many human beings carry weakness and protecting that extra laziness by justifying with aggression and rage of what they never attempted to learn and make false stories to give them the value to deserve what they did not deserve. Why do we need to deserve something? What's the point of being mean because of the fragility that can be compensated in 1 second through simple curiosity?
I personally don't believe in deserving. That idea in it's self is strange. We are given a lot even we don't deserve it and we give a lot too. How imperfect the person may have been, gift is the nature of life cycle. Gift is in many forms: hardship and pleasure. What we make out of it is what changes us. I am not a good gift receiver, especially when gift is rotten. Yet, sometimes I have to look at the rotten gift and see what I can make out of it. I can learn at times what are my weakness from observing these gift. How I should change. If I can't do nothing about the gift, I chuck them out and move on. Gift is our life, our way of connecting to another. We are receiving many things we may not even witness as a gift. Gift circulation is forgotten in the material world. Take fast and much as possible. In this western world, gift don't circulate because people don't know how to circulate it any more. Gift becomes an ego act. And why not admit the pleasure of ego act? ego act is needed at times. The denial of selfishness is what makes the context twisted. My next year will be about self care. Giving doesn't have to be a constant actions. Selfish creations are good, sometimes good for others and at least it serves the self to adventure. These days, I go back to my childhood often. Looking at the Christmas market, seeing the hand made stuff being sold, I think of my best friends from 3rd grade. We used to make objects and sell at the Christmas bazaar. We would spend weeks and moths on the end to make the hand crafts. I went back to crane folding that I used to do when I was a child for our sick classmate. Crane, the national treasure of Japan, my native country. Cranes symbolizes peace and luck.  I probably can fold cranes pretty fast now. But I had forgotten how much work it is to make cranes. I spent weeks on making cranes and putting it on the tread took me 45 mins each. I couldn't even string all the cranes as light was falling. It is winter here in Europe. I left the cranes that I could not thread in 3 boxes. 3 as the odd number traditional number for Buddhist flower arrangements. It was the opportunity for people. my gift to string it if they cared. I was able to offer them and gasho to the place mythical of history, at fays where the  General John Dahlquist  asked the solders to assemble on november 12 after the rescue of lost battalion.  I also brought the crane to the monuments of these Japanese-American soldiers to commemorate them. I would have love the commemoration was made by people in the region. Gasho is to put the two hands together and give that moment to the present, the past people, to thank them for their efforts and existence to rest in peace.

I was invited by the Maison de l'image to be the main exhibit for Mois de la photo, Grenoble with Aletheia Casey. This project, based on the work Odyssey : Reflect, was absolutely the the most challenging and complete experience that I have been able to share. There was a one-hour performance by Anthropologist and Buto dancer Marivi Haro with artist Eleonore Mecoli.  Eleonore read an extract of text from "No no boy" by John Okada, recommended by the French translator Anne-Sylvie Hommasel (the book is available at https://www.editionsdusonneur.com/livre/no-no-boy ).
 
 Eleonore opened the performance by walking around the picnic table anti-clockwise, reading the text then Marivi slowly came into the scene. Eleonore's circular movement made a strong sense in the textual context, wherein the audience were moving back in time and deeper into their physical & emotional experience. Marivi's entrance from bright white light to the warm lighting was dramatic. Her costume,  movements and  being were reincarnated in the spirit of the Japanese-Americans, especially the mother of Ichiro.  In the climax of her performance, one sheet of the balcony image with two boys dropped with a big sound, while she rose up with the images of children sewed into her Jiban( the kimono). When the performance ended, Marivi stayed for a long moment on the soil beneth the centrepiece, continuing the link between installation and performance. This was very successful, in that it completed the installation and the work as a whole.

I was moved to see the old Library and the work together. In this exhibition, there were pieces that I have never shown to the public, which was also a challenge. One gets used to presenting works in certain ways. For me this is the most important part to be conscious of -  to be site specific and take context into account. With this particular installation and exhibition in Grenoble, I am attempting to show the relationships in the idea: “For the future of the children”. This emphasis, whilst sharing historical photographs and values that have been important to the Japanese-Americans, is upon the future.

There were many collaborators, starting with the people who work in the Maison de l'image - Benjamin Bardinet & Yuliya Ruzhechka and their volunteers (especially Luis), ESAD
(Beaux-art) in Grenoble, Inge Linder-Gaillard, Pascale Riou and their students, ENSAG (School of Architecture) and special thanks to David Wolle , l'association Treto and the students. I would also like to give my deepest gratitude to Claire Nocolas-Fioraso (photographer)  and her team for her positive attitude and hard work.  I also wish to thank Jean Raffort (Grenoble City Council), Nadir Rajab (responsible for the maintenance of the Ancien Musée de Peinture), Philippe Veyrunes (artist) and Nathalie Muchamaud (artist), Andrew Matthews (architectural planning, organization and assistance), Michel Prilliez of Techniplan (printer), Claude Vaissier (production of original works), Vi ceramiques (transfer on porcelain), Valerie Millet (edition sonneur), Yarli Allison (artist) and Thomas Hardy.

We all hope that after the lockdown, which sadly struck within 48 hours of the opening, the exhibition will be open to visitors once again.

I have never done so much work for an exhibition project. a new exhibition. what is so new about it? it is the experience in its self. I realised that I am no longer a single artist. What does that mean? Artist work with their name. my name today is like a platform for a collaborative project. I am not that interested in trying to be a single artist. I embrace meetings, get surprises during the construction.  I am becoming less cheerful, less jolly these days. I speak in such a soft voice that surpasses my own expectation. perhaps, I am becoming this tough person who pretended to be tough. Yet there are always these beautiful spirit that awakes me. they are the other people. I melt in the beautiful presence of the spirit. And that is why I can still do the same exhibition, differently every time. Because I am touched by others, others in the photographs and others in the process of creating an exhibition. I love learning and that is why I do things. I love to listen to people and their knowledge and also study possibilities. What can I do differently this time? I study materials and what they are , how do they react, what can be possible and how well can I communicate with everyone so everyone can bloom in this experience. That is the only reason why I do exhibition. I don't really need to do more shows. I am probably so different from people who uses photography to be recognised. my ego is only about this process of making. can I do it? will this ever become real?will this be a surprise for some people who see it?  I like it when it scares me to work on an exhibition project where I have never challenged myself nor others to make it come real. I am this kind of person. I like challenges for the sake of the challenge. Every exhibition is for me a play ground that needs to bring something to the viewer, something little more than indifference. When I was younger, people were very critical of my work. I used to be shocked. these days these criticalness isn't what shocks me. It is the fact that things I planned to do can actually become alive. It is only about an imagination. I imagine things as I like imagining things. It doesn't turn out exactly as I imagine. Yet they make me very happy. This happiness is something that is close to the most joyful state I can be. Like when I was looking up at the blue sky as a child. infinite joy that expands within my body and soul.

I received the two copies of le monde diplomatique in my post box. I was little surprised by the title of the text,

Propositions curatoriales :
Léa Bismuth / Nicolas Boulard, Sabrina Vitali - Denis Curti / Lady Tarin
Valérie Fougeirol / Stéphanie Solinas - Fanny Lambert / Eric Rondepierre
Miki Nitadori / Kazuyoshi Usui - Victor Mazière / Carole Fékété - Pascale Obolo
/ Rita Alaoui - Marguerite Pilven / Maike Freess, Jessica Lajard, Olivier Leroi

Galeristes, éditeurs et antiquariats
Asymetria (Warsaw) - Baudoin Lebon (Paris) - Ibasho (Antwerpen) -
Folia (Paris) - the (M) éditions - Le Plac’art Photo (Paris)
Chambres à louer «La collectionneuse» :
La Méduse, Room 31 - Julie Barrau - Pierre Escot - Corine Borgnet -
Jean-Baptiste Lallau - Maire Gayet / Low Art, Guacolda & Lionel Tua -
Jean-Marc Tingaud - Un livre une image

Partenaires & Programmation
Centre Wallonie Bruxelles | Paris - Festival Ovni - Artéfact - L’ahah
Guest : Le Banquet versus Ryoko Sekiguchi avec la complicité des chefs étoilés
de Virtus, Chiho Kanzaki & Marcelo Di Giacomo, Paz Levinson

Le Registre Acte 2 : Nathalie Leleu
Soirée épos : Pierre Escot & David Fenech
Black Light : Clara Kern
Performance : Estera Tajber

Vente à la chandelle
Dimanche 23 février 2020 à 19h
Oeuvres choisies et inédites des artistes de l’Antichambre

LIEU : Hôtel La Nouvelle République 9 rue Moret 75011 Paris
Invitation valable également pour les Visites
le Samedi 22 et le dimanche 23 février 2020 de midi à minuit

uniquement sur inscription : altavoltaagency.net

Morocco changed my life. In many ways, it had changed my life as I really did enjoy working with this team. ( Thank you Joeseph Ball for this photograph and his attentive works!) What changed me the most is meeting Yuki Onodera and Aki lumi. Yuki has been the artist I admired since the 90's. When I came across her work in the exhibition space, I was taken by the quality of her work and had been so full by just looking at her works. Sometimes I was saying to myself " Yes" which is a strange thing to say when looking at another person's work. What I admire about the most in Yuki is, she is not afraid of challenging her ideas. She plays a lot with concepts and techniques and come to the final work. She isn't afraid to fail, she can recognize each work as it is and give a value to every challenge, ideas and speak about them with the same passion. When I thought of one photographer (artist) that can enrich this project that questions the potentiality of photography, there was only Yuki. Surely there are many great Japanese photographers who make great works. Yet no one will ever match up to Yuki's creative, playful and ever challenging world.  I knocked on her door, afraid of being disappointed. (Ken Kitano assured me by saying that Yuki is a kind person.) When Yuki opened the door, I understood what it means to be a great artist through meeting them. I knew couple of works of Aki yet the experience of meeting him was mind blowing. I have never met an artist with such a refined spirit. They were generous, helpful and smart. Yes, they were beyond my expectation. They had given me many valuable advice, with honesty and respect. They are the least arrogant people I know. Aki and Yuki loves food and eating. They are not stiff kind of people, even they could have been as they are known artists and Yuki is considered the major photographer, recognized with many prestigious prizes. Aki loves Yuki with so much care and he is also incredible on how much he supports her work. Yuki and Aki would not be who they are today without each other. They are fun, lively, and talk and laugh a lot.  This project of Morocco  was not possible, if I did not meet Yuki and Aki who supported me tirelessly.