May 15th, 2022
Experimentation is a loose state. It is like a stretching with ideas on how one may continue. And often these side projects becomes part of what I can use later or not at all. I am little like a pit bull when I work. I don't let it go. I just like the journey of what it may lead me to the next. perhaps at the end of this process I will find the work that will drastically be different from what I am doing right now as it happens often.
May 14th 2022
Two months had passed since my last post. these are the blinks of my experimentations to hopefully reach the life of Toshiko Yamakawa.
May 14th, 2022
Big bang is a town that Faith arrived by chance encounter. Big bang consisted of abandoned shops, restaurants, and homes that were all in sales. Small town that was run down and it felt as if no one cared about. The people who ran the Big bang seemed to cared only about their own personal well being. Their homes, their exotic trips to the land where Faith grew up, where they were received by the officials. Looking at their annual report, Every year, in their meeting the main conversation consisted of their next trip to the other side of the earth which was very expensive that only people with some money can afford. They did not want to share these experience with others. They showed off their own exclusive advantage in the town center, to make them feel important by saying that people should see an attractive tourist photographs of the Islands rather than the soul of ghosts. they created a wooden billboards where they showed the photographs of stock images; economic wealth, tourism that are far from the reality of the island life style. To the common viewers that were not invited to their exclusive trips received the images as it did not mean anything more than internet search engine. At least in search engine one can learn more.
Perhaps the hills of Big bang was the only thing that was remarkable, where the non rested souls remained. Faith was looking for the soul of ghost of people who was alive and lived the same period as her loved ones. Those people who sat in silence, patiently because they understood the girl's pain. They knew they couldn't get rid of her pain instantly. Because they knew that prejudice could not be fundamentally changed in a moment. Changing something that were based on wrong can be only be scratched on the surface. As one plant the seeds just below the surface. Yet planting the seeds just below the surface may change as it can grow into plants. The seeds may build the effect in long terms. There are different levels of change in time and space. the potential is unknown . The soul of ghost left behind in the hills of Big bang gave their lives to people who was born with the privilege of ownership whose ancestors arrived to the land first. The souls of the ghosts honored the greed and unfairness of violent villeins. Because they were the rulers. Even they acted as moral people, they had stolen the land and over taken the natives and remained as a ruler. The souls of ghosts compromised on lies because their family and themselves were considered enemies. The souls that survived and passed away were given many recognition by people who harmed them and gave their decedents a right to call themselves by the name of the land they belonged already. It was one of the examples of an endless cycle of power struggle that became the permanent state on the earth. The logical reality was naming the people and land and what ever they may be as the way to make the difference from another and create organization of common living and conflict with people who have different names. Belonging was the main idea for the commons and wealth was the essential reason for the rulers who had not to have to give their lives and sacrificed the others, who had gone against their religious amendment. Faith's friends couldn't call themselves by the name of the land. Name felt as shoes that did not fit correctly in their feet. They evidently had the right to call themselves of where they were born and they lived. In all that non sense Faith's friends decided to reach out to laughter. they laughed out loud and together through laughing they knew that they changed. It was not through anger , not through dialog with the deaf that changed their lives. They gave a moment to Faith to laugh with them. every time Faith laughed with them she felt the pain that she was vanishing, at least for a moment. They had given Faith, what she had not known before. Faith was again alone in the hills of the big bang. she arrived to big bang to touch the soul of ghosts who lived the same period as her laughter. Instead she encounter the rulers who did not wanted to understand anything about what happened in big bang and repeated the same old prejudice. That made Faith very sad. They made Faith look like as if she was a thief who stole their money when the money was not theirs. Faith worked hard for the money and she has all the right to be paid. Faith wanted only to give the gift, gift of commons, to everyone in the town. She wanted the commons to taste the life of the soul of ghosts who lived in the hills. Rulers of Big bang did not want the commons to receive what Faith prepared. The rules knew better than Faith that the advantage needs to be kept to who they choose, rather than sharing the knowledge that they did not have and did not value as the only importance was their decided merit to travel to the other side of the globe ti be received as some kind of heroes. Big banger only cared about control, keeping the exclusive benefits. They screamed, sward, ignored, and tricked Faith who worked hard to give the gift to the other people who had not known about the soul of ghost . Faith was a dogma, perhaps. Yet Faith had decided to turn the page when she realized absolutely there was no way she was able to give them a gift. It was a bitter experience of loosing the possibilities of finding the soul ghost and connect them to people who could care for them. Faith decided to go to the largest and warmest ocean that has a strong and vibrant body, her mother who soaked every person who had passed away, brought them to the other shore. Faith decided to soak her body as she had done so many times. from her body, the memory of big bang was evaporating. And she began hearing the laughter of those cherished people. The laughter invited her to remember to laugh, laugh with them and others who was there that Faith lost the sight of seeing them.
appear-disappear : Toshiko Yamakawa
All the blah blah with some process and try outs that is part of my creative process, and life as an artist.