Paradises Lost
 
Daily for one month, photographed with Polaroid 600 instant film. Originally was supposed to be a collaboration / dialogue with a photographer ( different places, same technique, On a idea of writing letter visually), but this never happened.
These images are tracing fragmented memories from childhood till the present that is now the past which can be only found within.


People tell me that this place doesn't exist any more.
They say it had changed and it isn't the way it used to be.

I wonder if it was like this when I took the photographs.
I wonder if it was ever the same for everyone, how they lived
and how they had a relationship to the place.

Was it like this when we were children...? May be.

My childhood memories were playing basketball,
eating samin, feeling constantly alone to only find comfort in
older people and fearing of getting beat up by other girls.

I cried out of joy when i got on the plane to leave this place
because i didn't have to live this reality any more.

I learned here what it was to be an outsider,
Different social structure existed and living wasn't as I thought it would be.

But I came back to this place more often than my native land,
and it became a place where I found comfort among the elders and alone.

I lived the most important moments of my life here, not only in
my childhood but also in adulthood. When I was dragging my body
barely able to stand on my feet, Coming back to this place healed me.

When My soul was profoundly in the hard shell and could not face
tomorrow, the nature in silence, physically healed me.

Daily I see, feel and long for this place that only exist in my mind.