Paradises lost , Polaroid 600, instant film camera, unique piece. 2000
Daily for one month, I photographed with Polaroid 600 instant film.
People tell me that this place doesn't exist any more.
They say it changed and it isn't the way it used to be.
I wonder if it was like this when I took the photographs.
I wonder if it was ever the same for everyone, how they lived and how they had a relationship to the place.
Was it like this when we were children? Maybe.
My childhood memories were playing basketball, eating samin, feeling constantly alone, finding comfort only in older people and fearing getting beaten up by other girls. I cried out of joy when I got on the plane to leave this place, because I wouldn't have to live this reality any more. I learned here what it was to be an outsider. A different social structure existed, and living wasn't as I thought it would be.
However, I came back to this place more often than my native land, and it became a place where I found comfort both among my elders and alone.
I lived the most important moments of my life here, not only in my childhood but also in adulthood. When I was dragging my body, barely able to stand on my feet, coming back to this place healed me. When my soul was profoundly within a hard shell and could not face tomorrow, the nature in silence, physically healed me. Daily I see, feel and long for this place that only exists in my mind.